I don’t know why I wrote this, I think I’m getting anxious about things

And “read more” isn’t working.  Fuck tumblr formatting forever.

It’s really pretty easy to become a monster, if you set your sights low.  I don’t mean something like Cthulhu or Hitler, which I guess would be a higher goal, but just something simple.  A zombie, say, or a vampire. Pallid skin, empty and unfocused eyes, slightly tattered clothing.  It doesn’t take long for people on the street to look at you for a bit longer, or to avert their eyes a bit faster.  It’s always good to see fast results when you try to make a change; you just have to remember to keep it up until you’ve reached your longer-term goal.

What really makes the monster is actually your manners.  People can feel a deep psychic sickness if you act in certain ways.  I think most people know this.  We avoid the angry, the deeply depressed, the people with those weird ideas we don’t care to understand, et al., if we don’t have some strong reason to talk to them.  But in some ways people are used to that, to be a real monster, it takes an alien feeling.  Simply speaking wrongly has a good effect.  Use real words, real sentences, but neglect to volunteer the usual information people volunteer, as if you were an alogic schizophrenic.  Stop speaking and stare at nothing for a few seconds in the middle of a sentence, before resuming unperturbed.  Do not smile or frown or demonstrate emotion, or do it at all the wrong times.

Overall, be only slightly beyond the bounds of normality.  From there all it takes is some information warfare, planted rumors, things you may not even have to do yourself!

Of course, this isn’t really a guide for you. It’s not even very helpful.  To become a monster comes naturally to some people.  Uncomfortability in one’s own skin is the sort of thing that people may think, but that’s not really it.  The flesh is sometimes disgusting, sometimes beautiful, sometimes nothing, but overall just not important, something separate.  The same for the mind.  It’s an odd feeling for the first time to think that one’s thoughts may not be one’s own, that “one’s own thoughts” may not even be a sensible concept for you, that you are somehow broken or wrong or different or just unable to cope with something standard.